How to find the best divorce attorney for your unique
situation is one of the most important factors in your divorce settlement.
This post is a brief overview of the Hiring a Divorce
Attorney section of our Divorce Protection Program. This is one of the most
important pieces of divorce advice you’ll ever learn.
Most people are totally unaware of how the divorce legal
process really works. They have no idea how many cases are decided in the
judge’s chambers based upon the relationship they have with one or both of the
lawyers and not the divorce case itself.
Additionally, judges are human beings like you and I. They
have biases, allegiances and a network of people that they like to work with,
and those that they don’t. Divorce court is no different than the rest of life.
The judge in my divorce case had a Women Lawyers Association
banner draped across the American flag in her courtroom. We witnessed dozens of
other cases being heard by her and she ruled against every single man that
entered her courtroom. We found out later that she was well known among men and
father’s rights groups as a man-hater. I don’t know if that’s true but her
rulings certainly seemed to bear that out.
If you decide to retain a lawyer, finding the BEST divorce
attorney for your case is critical. And knowing how to find the best divorce
attorney for your unique situation is the starting point.
Why knowing how to find the best
divorce attorney is crucial
- Every monetary and tangible asset
that you have is at risk
In a worst case divorce scenario your finances, reputation,
safety and even your children can be taken from you virtually overnight. Your
choice of divorce lawyer will have the single greatest impact on your divorce
settlement positively or negatively. The damage from a nasty divorce can affect
your family and finances for generations to come. So choose wisely!
- Cost of divorce
Includes divorce attorney fees/court costs/other 3rd party
professionals (accountants, mental health professionals, appraisers etc.)
Most people have no idea how expensive a divorce can be -
According to TheStreet.com, as of April of 2020, the average cost of a
contested divorce in the US is approx. $15,000. And the cost is substantially
more in high conflict divorces. My post-divorce litigation ended up well over
$150,000. I had 3 different legal firms represent me. Knowing how to find the best divorce attorney can be the key to keeping expensive litigation to a minimum.
- Financial Settlement
Ending up with the best overall divorce settlement includes
a variety of aspects:
1. Liquid financial assets, securities, tax deferred
accounts, crypto currency, real estate, jewelry, furniture and memberships,
vehicles etc.
2. The total amount of legal fees when your divorce is
completed
3. Which of you pays 3rd party fees such as psych exams and
therapy and long term obligations like alimony & child support
- Parenting schedule and rights
Knowing how to find the best divorce attorney could result in avoiding a costly and damaging child custody battle. Additionally, a poorly defined initial divorce settlement usually leads
to post-divorce litigation and enforcement issues that can lead to astronomical
costs later.
- Long term relationship with
children
Having the wrong divorce attorney represent you can result
in receiving a limited parenting schedule,
a damaged relationship, or no relationship at all.
- Financial & emotional quality
of your life for years to come
The divorce is usually completed within 4-12 months. But the
cost of your divorce, the damage to relationships, and the financial settlement
affect the quality of your life for many years to come.
- Long term representation
In the event of post-divorce litigation your divorce lawyer
will already be up to speed and know how best to proceed based upon their
knowledge of the case, your ex and the judge involved – you do not want to have
to start over!
Now that you know why discovering how to find the best divorce
attorney is so important, let’s talk about solutions.
How to Find the Best Divorce Attorney
for your family law case
Best insider referral sources
Each of these sources has a unique insider viewpoint of the
family divorce court system. They also know intricate details about judges and
divorce attorneys that will assist you in qualifying the best divorce attorney
for your case.
- A current or retired family law judge
- Retired family law divorce attorney
- Family Law divorce attorney that practices in a different
jurisdiction
- Attorney from a different field of law
- Someone that works in the family divorce court system
(county clerk office, judge’s assistant, Friend of the Court case worker, etc.)
- Friends or family that have connections to these previous
mentioned
Other sources
- Accountants, financial planners, counselors or clergy
- Friends, family, church and co-workers (most common)
- Online divorce resources - read reviews thoroughly
- Gender specific sites, forums and support groups
Always qualify and interview a divorce attorney before
selecting them regardless of the referral source. You want to make sure that
your divorce lawyer is a good fit for your goals and personality. And that they
have the legal experience necessary to protect you from an aggressive or
difficult spouse if needed.
Optimum divorce attorney selection
criteria - The perfect candidate
- Influential and politically connected
- Respected by their colleagues
- Powerful, effective and experienced
- Proven in high conflict and/or custody cases
- Frequently practices in jurisdiction your case is in
- Willing to fight for clients (but not a fire-starter)
- High integrity
- Favorable relationship with your judge (if your judge is
already assigned)
Your divorce
attorney’s credibility, relationships, personality and skills matter more than
you know!
Common mistakes when choosing a
divorce attorney
- Not realizing you need a specialist
for a high conflict or custody battle
Never underestimate the need for control and retribution in
an unhealthy ex-spouse. Most of the people that end up decimated in divorce
court had no idea that anyone, let alone their spouse, could ever be so cruel
or vindictive until after it was too late.
The first reason is that the healthy spouse can’t even
conceive that another person, (especially their spouse), would ever be capable
of trying to destroy them and their own children. It’s incomprehensible to
them. Because the healthy spouse would never be capable of the same type of
behavior.
The second reason is that no man wants to admit that they
married the woman from “Fatal Attraction”. And no woman wants to admit they
married the man from “Sleeping with the Enemy”. It says something about us when
we realize that we married that type of person.
Not realizing that there are some lawyers because of their
experience, dedication, skill, and yes their connections, that have a much
greater chance of protecting your assets, children and your reputation from a
high conflict spouse. All licensed divorce attorneys are not equal in their
ability to get the job done!
Any divorce attorney can represent a low asset, low conflict
client case. It takes a specialist in high conflict, high asset, and child
custody issues to represent you if your ex-spouse is vindictive or emotionally
unstable. This is one of the reasons that knowing how to find the best divorce
attorney for your specific circumstances is so important.
- Choosing an attorney with a
personality like yours
Like attracts like, both good and bad. Chances are high that
if you’re reasonable, compassionate and responsible, you’ll find an attorney
who shares those same characteristics and values.
All of those traits are admirable. But there’s a potential
problem with this kind of personality. You may be more laid back and much less
assertive than your spouse. You may also have a hard time confronting and
holding people accountable. And that’s the LAST thing you need in your divorce
attorney.
You need someone with all of the previous characteristics,
but they need to be strong and assertive when necessary to protect you and your
interests.
Paradoxically, if your ex-spouse is controlling, ruthless
and manipulative, that’s exactly the type of divorce attorney they’ll find to
represent them. They’ll find a bottom-feeder that will gladly take their money
(and yours) to destroy you in court!
The goal of any sane and healthy individual going through a
divorce is to make the best of a bad situation. They look beyond their own loss
and pain, and try to help everyone involved to minimize the damage that’s being
done to their family during the divorce process. They aren’t out to destroy the
other spouse. They’re rational. And they try to be reasonable while working
through the many compromises and negotiations necessary in a divorce.
If you don’t anticipate a high conflict divorce then finding
an average divorce attorney might seem adequate. But if you retain the best
divorce attorney from the beginning, they’ll be equipped to deal with every
situation no matter how intense things may get. They’ll also be able to prevent
a great deal of escalation and litigation that a less skilled or principled
attorney will not.
If however, you already know you’re dealing with a spouse
that’s emotionally damaged and controlling, you can count on a high level of
conflict. These type of personalities will NEVER play by the same rules as the
sane spouse or parent. Their goals and tactics will be totally different than
yours.
A good lawyer will be wise enough to only use the amount of
assertiveness and accountability necessary to get the job done. But they won’t
intentionally escalate tension and litigation. They’ll always try to bring
things to a reasonable and equitable settlement. But they’ll also be fully
equipped to deal with escalating tensions, illegal tactics and to protect you
from harm should those things present themselves in your case.
- Hiring a divorce attorney based
upon their fee or hourly rate
This common mistake can make all the difference in the
outcome of your case and your future. The cheapest is not always the least
expensive!
A divorce attorney with a lower hourly rate doesn’t mean
their total fees will end up being less than hiring a more effective and
powerful attorney at a higher rate.
A divorce attorney that charges $500 dollars an hour may end
up costing you WAY less in the long run, than one that bills you $150 dollars
an hour.
The right divorce attorney will have the best strategies,
the best connections, and the best experience, which should result in less
motions, hearings and court costs. You’ll also have a much better chance of
protecting yourself, your assets and family from irreparable harm during the
divorce process.
The sad truth is that too many judges are only persuaded to
do the right thing because of relationships, political alliances or the threat
of being held accountable by an attorney that is well respected and connected.
- Hiring an aggressive divorce
attorney that will cause conflict and litigation
1. Many attorneys simply want to increase litigation to
increase their fees. And they take every opportunity to do so at your expense.
2. Divorce attorneys that come off as rude, arrogant or
antagonistic toward your spouse and in some cases even the judge. The
stereotypical “bull in a china shop” personality.
3. Divorce attorneys that are inept or don’t have the
expertise to submit a well-defined settlement document to the court that
prevents further litigation in the future.
4. Unethical lawyers may promise you an unrealistic divorce
settlement to get your business. And once they represent you, they will get you
to fight for things that they know you’ll never end up getting just to increase
their fees throughout the divorce process. Don’t take the bait.
Next steps
I imagine by now, that finding the best divorce attorney
isn’t as easy as you thought it would be! It’s not. And it’s one of the most
important decisions you’ll ever make. Hang in there. We’ll lead you through
this every step of the way.
Divorce Attorney Interview Process
and Questions
Use the interview questions provided in the Divorce
Protection Program.
When you’re interviewing a divorce lawyer to represent you,
the interview accomplishes multiple goals. First, you’ll find out which divorce
attorney is the best fit for your situation. But you’ll also set the tone for
your relationship moving forward.
An attorney will always pay more attention to detail with a
client that is highly aware and involved. This will also make it easier to
manage your divorce attorney later on. They will realize that you aren’t just
passively leaving everything in their hands and hoping for the best.
You’re much more likely to be a priority case if your
divorce attorney understands that you know what to look for and that you expect
their best.
In review:
It can’t be over emphasized just how important knowing how
to find the best divorce attorney is! Using the Optimum Selection Criteria in
this section will give you the best chance of finding a highly qualified and
effective divorce lawyer to help obtain a favorable outcome for you and your
family.
If you found this information helpful, go to The Ultimate
Divorce Protection Program to develop a step-by-step plan to navigate through
your divorce with the least amount of cost, conflict and damage to your family
as possible.
Knowing
how to find the best Divorce Attorney for your specific circumstances is crucial. But it requires knowledge that most people don’t have. We are happy to share our hard-earned knowledge with you to help you and your family to find the best divorce attorney!